There are some people in this world that cringe at the culture of backwards beer-themed baseball caps, lax practice jerseys, pastel colored shorts, and a penchant for drinking natty light.
There are some people in this world that would just say, “Bro… chill.”
I have made a conscious choice to be one of those people, even though I consider myself an intellectually-inclined bro. For those people that question this choice, this is what I have to say.
I am a bro…
…because I could cock block you with one ball tied behind my sack, but I don’t – even if you’re talking to a girl that is much hotter than the girl I’m talking to – because I will always make sure my bros get some. Also, the young woman (if you can even call her that) that I screwed last night makes your current girl look like Barbara Walters.
…because it gives me an excuse to drink extremely cheap booze and feel okay with it, because “it’s just a phase”.
…because being a bro affords me a lot of blow job opportunities – but never from a fellow bro – ‘cause bro, we’re obviously straight.
…because instead of like, saying like every other word or so, like yeah, I can substitute bro and everyone understands.
…because why would I ever want to be a chick?
With my tongue in my cheek and my corona hat backwards,